Vulgar Anger
Question: Pray for me I am a 42 year old single man, professional, yet lonely. I cannot keep a healthy relationship with a female companion because I have a drinking problem. I consider myself a social alcoholic. I don’t drink everyday, but when I do I binge. What happens is a change my demeanor completely. I change from a easy going guy to a hateful, vulgar person who only hurts those that love me. My girlfriend of six months broke-up with me this last week. I did the most stupidest thing after having four drinks. I left her three disgustingly demeaning and vulgar voice-mails. Instead of respecting her and giving her time to think about us I burned the bridges that linked her to me. For this and score of other incidences with other woman who truly cared for me and I have sabotaged relationships with I am truly, whole heartedly sorry. Brother, I have knelt and prayed to my Lord and savior Jesus and asked for him forgiveness, for guidance and wisdom. I need prayer. Please, pray for me. I too have started praying everyday and studying the scriptures. I am not ignorant in the ways of Christianity.I was raised in an Evangelical home, but was never faithful. Two nights ago when I full of despair I asked Jesus into my heart. Pray for me so I may stopped drinking and stop my verbally abusing the ones I love.
Answer: Dear Friend, Thank you for writing. You have begun the process of moving through 3 of the 12 steps:
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Continue to move forward: Your work is not done. You must come to realize that you cannot drink anymore. You must stop drinking completely or you will continue to be alone and abuse your relationships. Jesus Christ can change your life – but, only if you turn it over daily to His control. That will mean getting rid of all rage, anger, brawling, malice, abusiveness, drunkenness and instead being filled with the Holy Spirit as these verses command:
Eph 4:30-32 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. NIV Eph 5:3-20 “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. 4 Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. 5 For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person-such a man is an idolater-has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. 7 Therefore do not be partners with them. 8 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light 9(for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) 10 and find out what pleases the Lord. 11 Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 12 For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. 13 But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, 14 for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: “Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.” 15 Be very careful, then, how you live-not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. 18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. 19 Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” NIV
Supernatural Power for Change: Your only hope for change is in Christ and in doing whatever it takes to stop drinking. You can’t do it without the power of Christ and without the commitment to change.
Make a plan. Begin to attend AA and Celebrate Recovery groups and an evangelical church in your area. Read: Addictions – What is the Cure? at CounselCare Connection.
You may think you can do this alone or that just you and the Lord can overcome the alcoholism – but, you will be wrong and you will fail. You need the support and guidance of tested and tried groups. You may need counseling. Your addiction has seriously impaired you and your relationships.
Admit the Truth: I will pray for you that you admit that you have more than a drinking problem – that you are an alcoholic because when you drink you binge.
Make a 180 degree Turn: I will pray that you never stop realizing and surrendering your life to the control of Christ. I will pray that you have the courage to admit that you will go further than asking God for forgiveness and that you will make amends with those you have harmed. I will pray that you will stop and make a 180 degree turn in your life and never go back to drinking or to the bar scene. I will pray that you will recognize the harm and destruction drinking has caused in your life and the life of others. I will pray that you see that God has a plan for your life and can use you greatly if you continue to follow Christ versus the bottle.
Resources: Get the books: The Purpose-Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For?: by Rick Warren and What’s Good About Anger? by Griffin and Hoy. Read the articles and resources on: The National Association for Christian recovery and Christians in Recovery – Help and Support Group God bless you!
God bless you as you start a new life in Christ! All things are possible with God!
© copyright 2005 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC. Lynette is a Marriage and Family Counselor with CounselCare Connection and National Certified Counselor. She is the co-author of What’s Good About Anger? and a speaker for community, women’s and church organizations .